Mothers are human beings who need proper nutrition, quality sleep, and regular movement for their bodies to function properly. For a healthy mind, they also need a loving social environment—one where not only their needs but also their thoughts, ideas, wishes, emotions, and dreams are treated with respect. Seriously, can we all agree on this? If so, maybe we should stop saying things like: Mothers are secret superheroes whose powers magically renew. A mother’s constant sacrifice for her children’s well-being is a wonderful gift of nature. Of course, the ultimate goal of any parent is to give their children everything in their power to make them happy.

Please, watch these self-sacrificing moms closely. They often tell you they’re okay—that they’re happy to make these sacrifices and that it’s totally worth it. But are they really okay? More and more specialists say that those who constantly serve others and make sacrifices while neglecting their own needs are at a significantly higher risk of facing clinical depression and panic attacks, as well as developing autoimmune diseases and even cancer.

Maybe when a body is neglected, pushed beyond its limits, and not treated with respect, it gets the message: You are not important. And maybe, in response, it starts to function accordingly. It’s just a thought. But this year, I keep seeing this message everywhere around me. I read a Hungarian book (this one — though I’m not sure if there’s an English translation) about a woman diagnosed with cancer. As she reads her grandmother’s diary and reflects on her family history, she slowly realizes that in her family, resignation has always been unquestioned and normalized for women. Their hopes, dreams, and goals were never taken seriously, and they ended up living lives they never truly enjoyed. I was also deeply moved by a play at our local theatre about another mother. Her whole life revolved around being a mom, and when her son grew up and moved out, her entire sense of existence slowly faded away. And then, I had the privilege of watching Dr. Gabor Maté speak at a conference about this exact topic—how neglecting yourself is literally killing you. I can’t recommend his books enough, or at least watching his talks (like this one). As a doctor caring for terminally ill patients for many years, he kept noticing the same heartbreaking pattern: these people deeply regretted not taking care of themselves.

I’m not saying this is just a mother thing or a woman thing. Some people develop these personality traits and distorted value systems regardless of gender. And I know that modern society is also filled with “woke” women living lives that are the complete opposite of what I’ve just described. But I live in a more traditional, conservative area, where certain Christian churches may have played a role in shaping these beliefs. What I personally experience—and what I often see around me—is that this struggle mostly affects women, especially mothers.

I’m writing about this, because I have always been that mother, slowly assassinating herself. And I’m unbelievably lucky to now have a husband who refuses to be an accomplice in that crime. Whenever I start making unnecessary sacrifices or neglecting my own needs, he gently reminds me how precious I am — and that I should treat myself accordingly. So now let me be your reminder. I’ll write this phrase again as a takeaway if you’ve read this far: YOU are a human being who needs proper nutrition, quality sleep, and regular movement for your body to function properly. For a healthy mind, you also need a loving social environment—one where not only your needs but also your thoughts, ideas, wishes, emotions, and dreams are treated with respect.